From a WIP in process short story, set in Ancient Egypt:
Kai threw his shoulders back, stood at attention and stared straight into Pharaoh’s eyes. “Sir, my mother is sick and we have no deben for a healer or medicines. My sister has sold all our possessions already and now the landlord threatens to take her as a slave in payment of our mounting debt. Young though I may be, I’m the man of the house, it’s my job to provide for my mother and sister, so I thought – “
“You thought soldiering was an honest profession and pays a fair wage,” Pharaoh said, picking up his crook and flail. “I am pleased to accept the oath of service from my newest recruit.”
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Wow. He has so much on his plate. I hope this choice is the right one for him.
If I had more sentences I’d make it clear that Pharaoh is NOT sending him into the army really, more like to military school. My Pharaoh has a young son too so he’s sympathetic. Thank you so much for the comments!
Great six and I am even more intrigued after reading that follow up!
Great six! I always look forward to your posts. I love how Kai stepped up to take care of his family! Very intriguing! 🙂
Thank you very much for the compliment! Yes, a lot more to be revealed in this story, still working on revising…
Aw, what a good kid! That actually went so much smoother than I thought it would.
Well there are wrinkles to come of course! Thank you 🙂
Nice 6, Veronica. I can picture Kai, nervous but resolute, as he explains his motivations to Pharoah. Good kid, taking care of his family. 🙂
Thank you for the kind words about Kai, he’s definitely in a hard place.
Yay, he pulled it off! *wipes brow* Glad to hear how it came out.
Thank you! Of course much more to come, that was only the first hurdle.
Cool! I’m so glad the Pharaoh accepted Kai into his army (is that the right term?) Anyway. Really enjoying this story as it’s unfolding. I like the unusual historical milieu. Great six–can’t wait for the next!
So glad you’re enjoying the story! Actually Pharaoh is going to send him to more school, not make him a warrior *right* this minute. A lot more stuff to come, hard to limit to six sentences!
I love the Egyptian setting, and Kai sounds like he’s going to be a sympathetic character.
Thank you! I’m really fond of Kai, he’s doing his best for his family!
Wow. He’s handling a lot! What a great kid. And fortunately, it sounds as if this Pharaoh’s a good guy.
Thanks for the comments! I like to think my Pharaoh is a pretty good person 🙂
Well that’s one way to solve his problem. Just like in modern times, people sometimes have to make big sacrifices to provide for their families. Some things haven’t changed over the millenia.
People are much the same, fundamentally, no matter the time period, true! Thanks for the comments!
This is very intriguing and definitely perked my interest! Ancient Egypt has always fascinated me 🙂 This sounds like a great story! Thanks for sharing!
And thanks for stopping by my blog today 🙂
Glad you enjoyed the snippet!
Love historicals, great snippet!
Sounds like he’s doing what he has to. An honorable young man. Thanks for sharing
I love the premise of this story, and this was is a great six! I’m impressed by how much I, as a relatively new reader, learned from that six. Tight writing!
You’re very kind! Glad you enjoyed the snippet. Six sentences is TOUGH!
Love it. This is so clear, so emotional, and tells me you have a GREAT story to be told. I cannot wait to read more!
Thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed the snippet!
Yes, school is probably better than the army, but I’m still wondering just what troubles lie in store for Kai. Thanks for sharing!
I missed the list deadline for this week, but I did get six sentences up! http://kelworthfiles.wordpress.com/2011/12/18/six-sentence-sunday-more-from-children/
Awesome six!
Thank you! I did enjoy writing this story, still a WIP though…