Changing gears completely from my science fiction novel, here’s an excerpt from my first (and only, so far) paranormal novel with shifters. Unpublished, unedited, don’t know if I’ll get back to it anytime soon although I liked it, it needs a lot of work!
Caitlyn has applied for a place in the Witch Queen’s court, which requires a demonstration of magic power. She’s nearly failed the test when a mysterious boost of power comes to her surreptitiously from a watching shapeshifter guard. The Queen accepts her as an apprentice and Caitlyn is dismissed from the chamber so another woman can be tested. We start with the last of Caitlyn’s POV, then move to the shifter’s as the next scene starts in the novel.
Why had he chosen to help her eke past the test? It worried her to be beholden to anyone in this castle, which didn’t strike her as a place where people took action to help one another.
Why did I do that? What does it matter to me if she succeeded or failed? Although it was pleasant to give someone assistance without it being demanded or commanded. The girl had captured his attention from the first moment yesterday, at the welcoming ceremony. She was definitely hiding something, which intrigued his cat. Having a beautiful woman with mystery wrapped about her made the boredom of his servitude recede and he was grateful.
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I take it this is some kind of feline shifter? Sounds interesting.
Oh I probably should have said in the intro – he’s a leopard…
That’s cool, Veronica! Nice world. Hope we’re going to see more of this? Groovy picture by the way.
I think I’m trying to convince myself it’s worth picking up again and putting in the work to fix the plot issues etc. I loved the story (what author doesn’t, right LOL?) but it does need *stuff*….thanks for the kind words!
I enjoyed reading the male POV. As he is in servitude, I could understand his dilemma and why he might be drawn to help her.
So interesting. I like the different POV’s and look forward to more.
Yay, shifters!
Other than my Crocodile God in “Priestess of the Nile,” who is a shifter, this is my one and only attempt at it so far. I LOVE shifters, especially yours LOL 🙂
Lovely Job! I love the way he’s torn and interested about her!
I love that they’re both questioning his motives. It will make them suspicious of each other, which will make for very interesting interactions. Great set-up for their relationship!
I liked this snippet. I love going from her doubt into his doubts. This sounds like an interesting premise.
I like it! And I’m intrigued. I love how his cat is intrigued. Is that an inner cat? I’m thinking if it is, it’s got to be a big one…
Also love how you shifted the POV from her to him, particularly since they are both asking the same thing.
Great job Veronica 🙂
Thank you! Yup, he’s a leopard when he shifts…which I should have noted in the intro…
I was intrigued by the cat, too. Even more interesting to learn he’s a leopard. Interesting story!
He’s drawn to her. I love it. I want to know more about these too, Veronica.
Totally cool. Love the complexity in the details. I am wondering what will happen when the Queen Witch discovers she does not have (as much) magic as she’d thought! Caitlyn may be in over her head.
Intriguing start. I think you should continue. Lots of potential conflict.
Love it when they involve a cat 😀 Opening up some dates to host authors on my blog, let me know if you’d be interested! Happy writing and great eight! Meow!
Yes, I like this. Hope you go back to it. It seems you’ve already set up the romance angle so well in just a few sentences. Leopards are always good, too. LOL.
” Intrigued his cat” —-I already love it! MEOW!
Curiosity killed the cat—but satisfaction brought him back! 😀
I’m intrigued! And I love a shifter cat! I would love some more background! 🙂 Wonderful excerpt! 🙂
Very cool premise! Love that he’s intrigued by her. I’m equally intrigued by both of them! Can’t wait for more! 🙂
He’s not the only one who’s intrigued! 🙂
Interesting scenario, with both of them wondering why.
Ooo… That’s a lot of information in a very short snippet. I can’t wait to read more.
So many layers of mystery and intrigue here and two interesting characters. Hope you pursue this one.
Ahh, looks like the first stirrings of attraction. 😉 Nicely done.
You’re doing great so far with the manuscript. Great 8.
I really appreciate the comments! I feel encouraged (I love this group, hugs!)…the first draft is done but as always it needs more work. Maybe I’ll move it up in my WIP queue though…doing another Egyptian paranormal right now.
Seems to me you should carry on with this wip. I like it But then I’m biased. for my class I’m doing a witch and werewolf type story lol But participating in the A-z challenge and taking a screen writing class leaves no time for WWW Hope to see you on my blog as it travels across the alphabet
A leopard shifter– So glad you answered Sue’s question. I was wondering what kind of cat he was. Sounds fantastic. Love the snippet. I’m intrigued to know more.
thanks Veronica – no things have to be not done like housework and the writing. Also have to entirely re write last project in light of what learning in class. Thanks again
Oooh! I love how his inner cat is intrigued. She better watch her back, a cat once intrigued could pounce at any moment. Great snippet:)
I wonder if Caitlyn is up to service in the witchqueen’s court, not that she has hoped in? However there are times when we would all like a shifter. The picture loos as if it has magic power itself.
Very nice snippet – and yes you should definitely get back to this some day and finish. Really enjoyed it – and the POV switch works well for the reader.
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Enjoyed his inner dialogue. Intriguing snippet!
Love the way you build the intrigue in this piece — good stuff!
I think there’s more to his reason for helping her than he’s willing to admit! Intriguing snippet!
I really am intrigued. I love shifter stories. Great peek.
I like the worldbuilding and the sense of connection that is between them right away. Nicely done!
I like the contrast between their POVs. A lot of modern books no longer incorporate that kind of omniscient narration, though it makes for such a richer, more personal story. I love the picture too. There are so many things it could be.
“Intrigued his cat” Oh if that doesn’t sound like one heck of a euphemism! 😉 And she is wise to be suspicious of anyone wanting to help her in a royal court – even if we the reader know the aid is benevolent.
I also like the use of multiple first person POV…I am trying the same thing with my new piece. I think this storyline is a great idea and definitely worth continuing! Great snippet!
Hey, snap! I usually write SF – but I wrote a shifter story. Mine’s a black tiger. Have fun with it. It’s a different paradigm, but a story is a story is a story.
Ooo, very intriguing! Definitely want to know more about the mystery! Enjoyed your 8! 😀
Much potential here, Veronica! I hope you find time to get back to this one 🙂