Weekend Writing Warriors – More Magical Mystery

better wewriwaA few more excerpts from my one and only shifter novel (so far, not counting “Priestess of the Nile” where the Crocodile God shifts)…Kyle is a leopard shifter and Caitlyn is the mysterious girl-with-a-secret who infiltrated the Witch Queen’s castle with his impulsive help. Last week she was summoned to participate in a magical ceremony, at which the Queen drew upon Kyle’s powers to augment her own. Angry at the way he was being treated, Caitlyn helps him survive the spell casting but is nearly banished as a result. He seeks her out a few days later.

Kyle is speaking as the snippet starts.

“You, Caitlyn of Ordlathas, are a mystery and I’m intrigued. You come from a territory that never sends apprentices to the Witch Queen.  You claim to desire a place here so desperately, yet you didn’t get upset when they dropped you from the training after the incident last week. You have your own magic – I see the spirals of it with the leopard’s eyes – green, lavender, pure, with no taint of Shadow. You can learn nothing from them – I suspect  they could learn from you if their minds weren’t so closed against the existence of any power but their own. So why are you here?”

“Are you finished?” She jerked her arm free from his loose clasp.


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42 comments on “Weekend Writing Warriors – More Magical Mystery

  1. Makes me wonder about who or what the Witch Queen is. For some reason that made me think of the White Queen in Narnia? Haha.

    Love this: ” I see the spirals of it with the leopard’s eyes – green, lavender, pure, with no taint of Shadow.” It makes me see a different idea of what pure can be. Usually when I think of purity I think of white. I blame society for that and it’s ideals of white dresses, the color of virgins. Haha. 🙂 Thanks for giving me a different idea of what purity can be, color-wise.

    One question though, are the eyes switching from green to lavender and then back again? Are they half green half Lavender? Is it one of those cases where there’s heterochromia (one eyes green one eyes lavender)?

    • Glad you enjoyed the snippet! I think Kyle sees the colors in the air, not that her eyes (or his) are actually changing colors…interesting twist on the idea you bring up though!

  2. Uh-oh. He’s sizing her up pretty swiftly and she don’t like it one bit. Tense!

  3. Very nice @8Sentence – really enjoyed it. Consider in the ending moving the last sentence to 2nd last and making the 2nd last sentence the fina.

    Definitely want to read more after this snippet. Good job.

  4. I agree that the contrast between their behaviors really helps step this up. There could be a number of reasons why she’s really there — maybe more than one. I hope you continue this next week 🙂

  5. Ooh, she’s a feisty little thing! Love this scene! Awesome dialogue! Can’t wait for more! 🙂

  6. That’s the question isn’t it… why is she there? I wonder if her anger was at being found out or that he wasn’t smart enough to figure it out.

  7. I love the dynamic here—she risked her own agenda to help him and now he’s calling her out. I’m going to love reading the whole thing!

  8. He speaks very eloquently, and she shuts him down. A bit too defensive, perhaps? Or does she not like having her praises sung? Interesting characters here. Not what you would expect. I really like being surprised. Great 8!

  9. Terrific story. I like her reaction to him. His suspicions about her may be correct, but her apparent motives are keeping her from revealing anything to him for now and that drives the plot at this point.

  10. Thanks to everyone for stopping by and commenting! I’m glad I decided to get this story out and give it some air time on the Weekend Writing Warriors. I’ll do a few more excerpts from it…seems as if I *must* finish it up and do something with it now LOL. I’ll put Kyle and Caitlyn back into my queue of WIPs, I promise. I had a whole series of stories in mind to set on this world…

  11. Funny, I had the same question she did, lol. You might want to break up his paragraph with an action that shows his curiosity as well as his words. But I really like that he sees more than she wants him to. Good snippet, Veronica. 🙂

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