Weekend Writing Warriors Shifters from the North

better wewriwaGoing on a bit more with this scene involving the perturbation in magic Caitlyn felt.  Sergeant of the Guard Quarl tells her the shifters have gone to the stables to leave the castle so she runs in that direction:

“Wait, I have to speak to you!”

They turned, five tall, well muscled soldiers, grim faced. Dressed in dappled green uniforms, long cloaks clasped at the shoulders, all were handsome in the same way as Kyle. Their brilliant green eyes further proclaimed kinship.

“Have you looked your fill, girl?” said the man who had kept her from falling, “What can a servant of the Witch Queen have to say to us, other than more insults?” His hand clenched on his sword hilt as he glared at her.

“I’m no servant of the Witch Queen, I’m from the south, from Ordlathus.” Caitlyn glanced up and down the hall, debating where it would be safest to talk. “Have you come about Kyle?”


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44 comments on “Weekend Writing Warriors Shifters from the North

  1. Yeah this excerpt has strong tension. The scene could go either way, the guys could completely dismiss her–and not in a friendly way–or they could listen and readers might get to find out more interesting stuff 🙂

  2. Very nicely done – definitely want to read more (when will this be published?). I was a tad confused because she runs in the direction of the stables (so my mind placed her outdoors) but then she looks up and down the hall. Perhaps another statement or bit indicating they hadn’t exited the building yet?

    Good job.

    • Sorry for the confusion, sometimes when I’m putting together the 8 sentences a few details get lost but yes, in my mind, she’s still inside the castle and so are they, they haven’t exited into the courtyard to walk to the stable. Thanks for catching that!

  3. I love your use of small details here–the cloaks, the eyes, the grabbing of the hilt. She’s put herself into a tense situation; she’s brave. I hope her courage sees her through.

  4. The way you describe the soldiers creates a really clear picture. As a new reader without the background for this story, I really want to know if they have come about Kyle, and if they’ll give some time to listen to Caitlyn.

  5. So yes, they HAVE come about Kyle, they didn’t like the answers they got and…ok, I’ll continue with another excerpt in this thread next week LOL. I might self pub this one, when I get the chance to finish it. You all are very encouraging & I thank you!

  6. Sounds like they haven’t experienced much welcome or gotten answers they sought. Nicely done, Veronica. 🙂

  7. This snippet aroused my curiosity for sure! I wonder why they’d assume she was a servant of the Witch Queen? Why isn’t it safe to talk there? Questions and more questions! And the last line is quite the cliffhanger. You’re doing your job!

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