Going on a bit more with this scene involving the perturbation in magic Caitlyn felt. Sergeant of the Guard Quarl tells her the shifters have gone to the stables to leave the castle so she runs in that direction:
“Wait, I have to speak to you!”
They turned, five tall, well muscled soldiers, grim faced. Dressed in dappled green uniforms, long cloaks clasped at the shoulders, all were handsome in the same way as Kyle. Their brilliant green eyes further proclaimed kinship.
“Have you looked your fill, girl?” said the man who had kept her from falling, “What can a servant of the Witch Queen have to say to us, other than more insults?” His hand clenched on his sword hilt as he glared at her.
“I’m no servant of the Witch Queen, I’m from the south, from Ordlathus.” Caitlyn glanced up and down the hall, debating where it would be safest to talk. “Have you come about Kyle?”
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Oh that was good! Maybe we are going to find something out from these guys. You have me hooked on your story. See you next week!
History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders
l’m enjoying these snippets and l love your description of the soldiers!
Lovely detail! Eight sentences go by so quickly when you write them. 🙂
Aww, thank you!
Not nice! cliiffhanger! I want to know! (no one’s ever accused me of being patient)
I love the tension you created in this scene.
Great snippet. I really like this story.
You’ve created some beautiful suspense here, Veronica. Where’s the corner of the page, I want to turn it. 🙂
Your comment had me laughing out loud here – thank you!
There is some great suspense here- I hope the guys trust her and agree to talk to her or I’m guessing they’ll be trouble.
Yeah this excerpt has strong tension. The scene could go either way, the guys could completely dismiss her–and not in a friendly way–or they could listen and readers might get to find out more interesting stuff 🙂
nice job! I like the tense set up with her chasing after them to get information!
I really appreciate everyone’s comments. I’m definitely going to finish this one, have to figure out how to work it into my schedule though. Sigh.
Oh, this is some wonderful writing. That descriptive paragraph (of soldiers) was perfect. I love that picture, too.
Yum on the soldiers. Terrific writing, Veronica. More, I want more.
Fantastic descriptions! I could see them clearly!. Love the last line. Leaving us to wonder what the answer will be. 🙂
And just what is Kyle’s relationship to the other shifters? This could be interesting.
Very descriptive! You keep the tension building. I can’t wait to read more!
Great snippet – charming soldiers. Quite a lot of tension building up in just a few sentences!
I agree with everyone else about the tension, and there is so much suggested by your description of the soldiers. Really looking forward to finding out more!
Very nicely done – definitely want to read more (when will this be published?). I was a tad confused because she runs in the direction of the stables (so my mind placed her outdoors) but then she looks up and down the hall. Perhaps another statement or bit indicating they hadn’t exited the building yet?
Good job.
Sorry for the confusion, sometimes when I’m putting together the 8 sentences a few details get lost but yes, in my mind, she’s still inside the castle and so are they, they haven’t exited into the courtyard to walk to the stable. Thanks for catching that!
I can’t wait to see their reaction! And I wonder if the witches even admitted he was there? This is gonna be good . . .
Nice detail. Enjoyed your snippet.
Great imagery and tension in this short snippet!
Lovely 8. I can’t wait for the next installment. I also love your Cleopatra paper dolls.
(I loved the paper dolls too, TYVM! Sometimes having a blog is an EXCELLENT excuse for doing stuff like playing with vintage paper dolls 🙂
Nice job. I like the description of the soldiers.
Great! I love the suspense!
Exciting development. The details in your world building for this story are fantastic, Veronica.
I love your use of small details here–the cloaks, the eyes, the grabbing of the hilt. She’s put herself into a tense situation; she’s brave. I hope her courage sees her through.
The way you describe the soldiers creates a really clear picture. As a new reader without the background for this story, I really want to know if they have come about Kyle, and if they’ll give some time to listen to Caitlyn.
Oooh, what happened to Kyle?? Great snippet and I want to read more!
So yes, they HAVE come about Kyle, they didn’t like the answers they got and…ok, I’ll continue with another excerpt in this thread next week LOL. I might self pub this one, when I get the chance to finish it. You all are very encouraging & I thank you!
Sounds like they haven’t experienced much welcome or gotten answers they sought. Nicely done, Veronica. 🙂
This snippet aroused my curiosity for sure! I wonder why they’d assume she was a servant of the Witch Queen? Why isn’t it safe to talk there? Questions and more questions! And the last line is quite the cliffhanger. You’re doing your job!
Excellent description and tension in this scene, Veronica!
Great build-up in this scene *mental picture of handsome, green-eyed men helps too*
Great description of the soldiers!
loved the implied tension between the Witch Queen and the shifters. Nicely done.
Ooo! Love the details! The soldiers sound handsome and scary! Intrigued! 😀
More secret and mystery. Nice snippet.
Intriguing scene there.
I agree with Dana. Too short, lol! I want more. 🙂 Nice description, Veronica! 🙂