Switching this week to my latest release, Dancer of the Nile, which takes us back to Ancient Egypt again. This is the second night, when Nima the Dancer has been forced to cook dinner yet again for the enemy soldiers. We’re in Kamin’s viewpoint. A little creative editing to stay within the eight sentence rule. The story blurb is below the photo.
Tonight’s meal smelled even better than the stew the night before. Sundown breezes brought a whiff his way, causing painful cramps in his gut, which grumbled.
Finally, after the officers and the soldiers had been fed, she scooped a bowl full of stew from the kettle and sauntered in his direction, her walk unhurried. Kamin enjoyed the view, realizing with a little jolt of dismay how eagerly he was anticipating even the most fleeting contact with her.
She set the bowl in his outstretched palms and looked him straight in the eyes, her own gaze intense. “Don’t eat it,” she said in a barely audible whisper, before walking away without a backward glance.
The guards watched him so he made a show of fumbling with the bowl, as if trying to get a better grip. He allowed it to slip from his fingers, struggling against the ropes in a convincing show of desperation, attempting to catch the rim as it rolled off his fingertips, shattering on a rock, splattering him with stew.
I love and appreciate your comments and feedback every week! Go here to find all the other Weekend Writing Warriors and read an amazing variety of terrific excerpts…
Egypt, 1500 BCE
Nima’s beauty and skill as a dancer leads an infatuated enemy to kidnap her after destroying an Egyptian border town. However, she’s not the only hostage in the enemy camp: Kamin, an Egyptian soldier on a secret mission for Pharaoh, has been taken as well. Working together to escape, the two of them embark on a desperate quest across the desert to carry word of the enemy’s invasion plans to Pharaoh’s people.
As they flee for their lives, these two strangers thrown together by misfortune have to trust in each other to survive. Nima suspects Kamin is more than the simple soldier he seems, but she finds it hard to resist the effect he has on her heart. Kamin has a duty to his Pharaoh to see his mission completed, but this clever and courageous dancer is claiming more of his loyalty and love by the moment. Kamin starts to worry, if it comes to a choice between saving Egypt or saving Nima’s life…what will he do?
Aided by the Egyptian god Horus and the Snake Goddess Renenutet, beset by the enemy’s black magic, can Nima and Kamin evade the enemy and reach the safety of the Nile in time to foil the planned attack?
Can there ever be a happy future together for the humble dancer and the brave Egyptian soldier who is so much more than he seems?
DANCER OF THE NILE is AVAILABLE on Amazon Barnes & Noble All Romance eBooks iTunes Smashwords
Wonderfully descriptive snippet, poor man must be starving (in more ways than one!)
I guess the food has been dosed with something our hero is not going to like the effect of. Great description. 🙂
Oh man, what’s wrong with the stew? Great snippet as always. Enjoying Warrior of the Nile right now. 😀
Oh, I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying WARRIOR! Thank you 🙂
Good job, Veronica. Perfect description using all the senses and then the what happens next! Super eight.
Great 8! The description had me right with your chars. Well done!
I love this snippet. It’s very descriptive, putting the reader right there with him. We feel his hunger (and not just for food 😉 ) and her concern for his welfare. Well done! 🙂
You get a lot of emotions into a pretty short space and it works really well, doesn’t feel forced at all. Super spot to choose for an excerpt 😀
Should’ve waited till I read this one. Thank you, I am now hungry.
I could see that playing out right before me. Excellent description!
Very nice. The action flows so well within the scene. I love the juxtaposition of his budding feelings for her and her desire to look out for him. And I can imagine how difficult it was to discard the food after being so hungry, too! Great eight!
I’m very appreciative of all the comments, glad the scene works for people. I wish I could have added just two more sentences but you know those strict WeWriWa admins LOL!
Nice details, as ever!
Veronica
Excellent job as always. Nice tension and raising tension by creating the question of exactly WHAT was put in the stew and what will happen to the enemy soldiers who eat it (and poor Kamin and his rumbling stomach). Nicely done.
There’s something so sexy about a woman saving a man from eating tainted stew. lol. Really well done, Veronica! I’m very much enjoying this story!
Nice bit of tension as to whether he’d heed her warning, but it sounds like he’s beginning to trust him.
So much in just 8. Impressive, Veronica. I love his longing for her. You captured the feeling beautifully. What will happen now. Yikes! Great 8 🙂
Very nicely done! Is this part of her escape plan, or is she saving him from someone else’s mischief? Can’t wait to find out!
excellent writing as he instead of eating the stew wears it . Perfect visual
Oh clever girl! I was wondering how she was going to get them away from there. Good job Veronica!
History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders
ooh very crafty indeed. Nice job!
As usual, a wonderful eight sentences filled with emotion and intrigue. Why doesn’t she want him to eat when he’s so hungry?
This is great! Shows the conflict (with the enemy and with the wanting of the girl) and both characters really well. She’s one clever temptress.
Fantastic visual. My oh my, what was in the stew?
She put something in the stew, huh? Could be a dangerous gambit if someone doesn’t eat it, and notices the effects of it on others.
Love the description of his ‘fumble.’
I like that she stopped him from eating what was potentially dangerous for him, considering the guards eyes on him. Hope she gets him something he can eat, though…sounds like he’s starving.
Poison? it would work.
Deliberate pacing.
Well done!
Nice piece with subtle tension. It draws the reader in and makes them want more.
Wow, a very hungry man and he trusts her enough to spill the stew. The attraction is growing and it’s captivating.
Great details. My guess is that it’s poisoned.
Sneaky! He wants more! Awesome description. 😀
I’m late…I hope I’m not pregnant. 😉 Kidding! Great 8, as usual. I love how quickly he caught on. You rock!
Aother great eight there.