A fun way to sample new books and find new writers! Here’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…
The luxury ship Nebula Dream has suffered a middle of the night catastrophe in space. My hero, Nick Jameson, has fought his way to the nearest lifeboat and found chaos.As he’s just about finished loading the lifeboat, businesswoman Mara Lyrae arrives, much to his relief. But she refuses to get on the lifeboat, as there are children in need of rescuing…after a brief argument, Nick sends the lifeboat on its way. He and Mara set out to rescue the children, accompanied by Khevan, a D’nvannae Brother (think bodyguard/assassin sworn to serve an alien goddess).
This snippet is after they’ve reached the family’s cabin and discovered a growing hull breach. Nick and Khevan have cleared a tunnel through the debris trapping the children, and Nick has crawled through. I’ve done a LOT of creative punctuation and some editing. This follows directly after last week’s excerpt, when Paolo asked if the wall was going to break:
Nick tried to be reassuring, “We’ll be long gone first – now, can you help me get your sister –”
“Her name’s Gianna,” the boy pushed his sister closer to Nick.
“Help me get Gianna to crawl out through all the mess to my friends? We’ve made a tunnel for you – she’ll have to leave her toy, though.”
The girl hugged the bear tightly and shook her head, trying to retreat from her brother and Nick. “Won’t,” she informed Nick, taking her thumb out of her mouth briefly.
“Sweetheart, we have to go – it’s going to get pretty windy and cold in here soon,” with an effort, Nick kept his voice level and calm.
“Carry me,” She raised her arms to him, the bear dangling in one grubby hand.
The Story
Traveling unexpectedly aboard the luxury liner Nebula Dream on its maiden voyage across the galaxy, Sectors Special Forces Captain Nick Jameson is ready for ten relaxing days, and hoping to forget his last disastrous mission behind enemy lines. He figures he’ll gamble at the casino, take in the shows, maybe even have a shipboard fling with Mara Lyrae, the beautiful but reserved businesswoman he meets.
All his plans vaporize when the ship suffers a wreck of Titanic proportions. Captain and crew abandon ship, leaving the 8000 passengers stranded without enough lifeboats and drifting unarmed in enemy territory. Aided by Mara, Nick must find a way off the doomed ship for himself and several other innocent people before deadly enemy forces reach them or the ship’s malfunctioning engines finish ticking down to self destruction.
But can Nick conquer the demons from his past that tell him he’ll fail these innocent people just as he failed to save his Special Forces team? Will he outpace his own doubts to win this vital race against time?
I liked the girl hanging onto her bear. That grabbed me emotionally. Nice snippet.
Hi! What a tender scene! I am posting on the meme this week. First time since 6th Sentence Sunday ended that I’ve got to do one. I’m no longer have a day job so that helps.
Aw, I can see why she doesn’t want to leave her bear. But hurry up! Argh. Love the tension and emotion in this whole bit.
I love the sense of barely restrained patience… and the little girl’s reaction. Great snippet!
Great job of capturing the frailty and innocence of the little girl. Beautifully done!
Great snippet, Veronica! I can sense his impatience as well as the little girl’s innocence… it’s a tense moment.
Aw, what a cute scene! Cute yet desperate, well written!
Great scene, a lot of emotion with the little girl. Great snippet.
Lol, I can only imagine what he is thinking right now. I don’t believe toddlers are usually part of his missions. Fabulous snippet filled with tension and emotion.
Yeah, he’s gonna end up with the little girl and the Teddy. Great scene.
Awww, Nick is such a great hero!:)
so cute! 🙂
I don’t blame her for not wanting to abandon her bear. I’m almost 35, and there are some special stuffed animals I’d never leave behind either.
Perfect stubbornness and cuteness on Gianna’s part. I wouldn’t leave my bear behind either.
Tweeted.
A scene right out of reality. I know from experience with my youngest grandchild. Wonderful description, Veronica.
Don’t waste time talking–grab the kid and go!
The tension is getting high – but don’t leave the bear behind!
Tweeted.
Thanks for all the comments! Yes, the bear is very key here LOL. He even has a name…I’ll keep going with this scene until we reach a good stopping point…not a cliffhanger, I promise!
I wouldn’t give up my bear for anything, not when it brings me more comfort than the strangers around me. Great snippet, Veronica. 🙂
Haha if it were my male lead in this same situation: they come piling into the main deck, safe and sound, a little girl screaming in his arms. Myra asked “is she hurt?”. Roger shook his head. “Teddy didn’t make it.”
Jokes aside, this plot sounds really cool, lots of high stakes and a character that’s a little bit broken. He’s going to have to man-up and have a cup of concrete though. Good eight!
Love the, “Carry me.” Too cute. 🙂
Omigosh, I am on the edge of my seat here worrying about how this is all going to turn out. Great tension, really tugs at the emotions.
How can he say to that! Teddy’s coming along too, I bet! Great snippet!
You write great heroes, Veronica. I really like Nick. If I’m ever on a luxury space cruise and it gets into trouble, I want a Nick on board. 😉
I loved Nick, and i really do like the cover model too. This was such a good book.
He’s not going to get her without that bear. (can he even reach her, if she doesn’t crawl toward him?)
This is absolutely perfect, Veronica. There’s not a child of that age in any given universe who can’t instinctively calculate the most effective moment to lift those little arms and demand to be picked up.
And you’ve captured that beautifully. 😀
Wonderful descriptions as always. Drew me right in.
Awww, I’d like him to carry me too…but to the bedroom instead. lol. You write children just as well as you do adults. Always fabulous!
She’s a little young to really understand the situation, I guess. Maybe she could stuff the bear in the back of her shirt or something, and still crawl through? She should fit, if an adult will.
Poor Nick!! how do you reason with a child with a teddy bear and a thumb in its mouth?? arghhh good luck with that, Nick!!! great snippet, Veronica!
So cute and so depressing at the same time. I’ll feel so bad if Gianna has to lose her bear, probably her comfort toy. I loved the dialogue.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta