A fun way to sample new books and find new writers! Here’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…
The luxury ship Nebula Dream has suffered a middle of the night catastrophe in space. My hero, Nick Jameson, has fought his way to the nearest lifeboat and found chaos.As he’s just about finished loading the lifeboat, businesswoman Mara Lyrae arrives, much to his relief. But she refuses to get on the lifeboat, as there are children in need of rescuing…after a brief argument, Nick sends the lifeboat on its way. He and Mara set out to rescue the children, accompanied by Khevan, a D’nvannae Brother (think bodyguard/assassin sworn to serve an alien goddess).
This snippet is after they’ve reached the family’s cabin and discovered a growing hull breach. Nick and Khevan have cleared a tunnel through the debris trapping the children, and Nick has crawled through. I’ve done a LOT of creative punctuation and some editing. This follows directly after last week’s excerpt, when Gianna asked Nick to carry her:
“Sorry, I can’t, there isn’t room,” he said with a small laugh, reaching out to tousle her hair, “We have to crawl – it’s like a game but really important.” He kept his voice reasonable as he said, “Okay, Gianna, I tell you what, you go first and then your brother will follow – the bear and I’ll bring up the rear.”
She regarded him solemnly with huge eyes, “Promise?”
“I promise.” Hurriedly he crossed his heart.
She thrust the bear at him. “He’s not a toy. His name is Huntington the Bear.”
Note from Me: Huntington the bear is named after my younger daughter’s Maine Coon Cat Huntington, which was named after her day care’s resident cat, who was found as a kitten wandering on Huntington Drive in our general area. DD2 loved that cat, and hence her own cat’s distinguished name!
Thanks for all comments and feedback. Much appreciated!
The Story
Traveling unexpectedly aboard the luxury liner Nebula Dream on its maiden voyage across the galaxy, Sectors Special Forces Captain Nick Jameson is ready for ten relaxing days, and hoping to forget his last disastrous mission behind enemy lines. He figures he’ll gamble at the casino, take in the shows, maybe even have a shipboard fling with Mara Lyrae, the beautiful but reserved businesswoman he meets.
All his plans vaporize when the ship suffers a wreck of Titanic proportions. Captain and crew abandon ship, leaving the 8000 passengers stranded without enough lifeboats and drifting unarmed in enemy territory. Aided by Mara, Nick must find a way off the doomed ship for himself and several other innocent people before deadly enemy forces reach them or the ship’s malfunctioning engines finish ticking down to self destruction.
But can Nick conquer the demons from his past that tell him he’ll fail these innocent people just as he failed to save his Special Forces team? Will he outpace his own doubts to win this vital race against time?
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That was a sweet moment. I like how she has a name for her bear. Funny how sentimental toys are to kids. Nice snippet!
So real, a great job. I could practically hear the strain in his voice as he spoke to the little girl trying not to scare her. And you’ve captured her youthful innocence perfectly. Great 8
SAVE HUNTINGTON!!!!!
Great excerpt, Veronica, smoothly written!
Love it! Love the way he’s gotten the little girl to participate and save Huntington! A true hero! <3
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I sure did like this part of the book. I love how he thinks objectively enough to realize she’ll be more cooperative if he takes a bit of extra time with her. Yet he goes back to being all serious business when he has to. I love male MCs who are more than just muscle 🙂
I love a hero with a soft side, and the story behind the bear’s name. I still name a lot of stuffed animals as an adult, and only name the really special ones.
He’s such a great hero. and, lol, respect the bear–I mean, respect Huntington! 😉
I haven’t read any more of this work, but I already like Nick from this 8 alone 😀
Now I have this image of macho Nick crawling through fire and catastrophe with a teddy bear in his teeth. Love it!
A hero to love. He can plant his boots under my bed anytime. Shh. Don’t tell. Delicious eight, Ms.V
Can just picture this scene. Love that she tells him the bear is not a toy.
Aww…he’s just great! A guy so good with kids is just swoon worthy and he better be sure to take good care of Huntington.
Aw, love Huntington! But I still hope they hurry and get out of there. Nick’s got a great manner with kids. Love the snippet, as always!
I love how sweet he is with the little girl. He knows they have to get out of there fast, but he isn’t harsh and impatient with the children. Nice 8.
Oh – the pressure he is under to make sure that bear gets out!
I loved this part of the book. He knows everyone’s life is in danger, yet he’s patient with the kids and even tries to get the bear out.
Huntington, how cute! I’ve used a nickname my son gave his father as a pet name for a hero. Sweet excerpt!
Bears are not toys! They’re furry friends! 🙂 Another excellent, realistic excerpt, Veronica. You put the reader right there in the moment. Great job!
Add me to the list of people who agree that bears are NOT toys!
I had a Main Coon several years ago—he was a rescue cat we named Finn, because he always looked like the fourth day of a five day bender. He was missing an ear and most of the fur on his large tummy and had terrible, awful, religion-changing flatulence. . . but I adored him. And he knew it, too. 🙂
Dangerous situations are so challenging with children, but you conveyed the urgency and calm that a responsible and reasonably worried adult would have. Fantastic. Also, yes, bears are not toys. At least, mine aren’t. 🙂
I could picture this so clearly. Nice job.
I hope he doesn’t break a little girl’s heart and not save the bear.
Great scene. I really hope that he saves Huntington.
I had a much less imaginatively named bear, when I was a kid–every kid has one thing that’s really special to them, and not replaceable.
Sweet scene. How could he not save Huntington. 🙂
Love it! Very nice!
This scene really shows the depth of strength and character in Nick. Very nice.
I think I love Nick….sigh.
Huntington Bear–I love it! 🙂 It’s cool to see him so patient and understanding with the kids even though they’re in a life and death situation.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta