Why Don’t They See Us? Weekend Writing Warriors

WeWriWa buttonHere’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…A fun way to sample new books and find new writers!

We’re onto a new story of mine, a WIP that still needs a lot of work. Mark, an ex-Special Forces soldier in the Sectors, has been hired by the Outlier Empress to rescue a kidnap victim who’s been taken to the border planet Freemarket, where anything goes and the authorities are usually hands off. Kind of like Las Vegas…he’s broken into the house of  Barent Kliin, the kidnapper, persuaded Alessandra to go with him and fled in a stolen car, pursued by the bad guys and the planetary police. They collided with a cargo hauler…Mark knocked the driver out and assisted Alessandra from their wrecked vehicle, after which the couple flee into the crowded marketplace but are now trapped…until a strange little being showed up, offering to help…having no choice, Mark and Sandy flee with the creature:

(If you’re looking for my SFRB Showcase excerpt, which is a different thing, please go here.)

A hue and cry arose behind them.

Mark glanced back, stumbling over refuse on the path. Their odd guide didn’t pause, increasing the pace until the two humans could hardly keep up. Around a corner, through a narrow passageway, past a blur of staring citizens, doubling back occasionally, they ran. All at once their guide darted sideways, into a dark purple tent, and stopped. The sudden change in direction, followed by the unexpected end to the journey, took Mark and Sandy  by surprise. She tripped on his heel, bringing them both down in a heap, tangled with their guide.  Mark lay helpless on the carpeted floor, watching in astonishment as six cops went past the tent’s open portal, never even glancing inside.

So who owns the tent and why didn’t the police look inside? More next time…

hubble wavy


25 comments on “Why Don’t They See Us? Weekend Writing Warriors

  1. Are they being chased by the cops? That’s what I assume. You probably have much writing and revision to do, but when you say the cops “went” I envision them “dashing,” or “rushing.” Went seems a bit mild for the scene.

    I like that they fell in a heap. I can picture that so clearly.

  2. Maybe the tent is invisible. Or they become invisible inside it. That’s how my mind is working this morning. lol. Very exciting scene, Veronica! Can’t wait to learn more! 🙂

  3. Oh my, very cool! I so want to find out more about this little creature saving them;).
    One tiny niggly question-mostly because I always stumble over that myself: we’re in Marc’s pov, but the way you have it right now “took Mark and Sandy by surprise” makes me think omniscient pov. Just a thought;).

  4. Thanks for the comments! I appreciate the notes as this is very much a WIP and hasn’t even been through the first round of edits (I kinda edit as I go when putting up these snippets). I might get to this novel later in 2015, as far as getting it released – we’ll see. But I’m happy everyone seems to be enjoying this part of the action!

  5. I love these exciting action-adventure scenes. And yes, good question–why don’t the police look into the tent? Does it belong to some high official, or is the Force with them? Can’t wait to find out.

Leave a Reply