Ones Who Can Choose Weekend Writing Warriors

Here’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…A WeWriWa buttonfun way to sample new books and find new writers!

We’re onto a new story of mine, a WIP that still needs a lot of work. Mark, an ex-Special Forces soldier in the Sectors, has been hired by the Outlier Empress to rescue a kidnap victim who’s been taken to the border planet Freemarket, where anything goes and the authorities are usually hands off. Kind of like Las Vegas…he’s broken into the house of  Barent Kliin, the kidnapper, persuaded Alessandra to go with him and fled in a stolen car, pursued by the bad guys and the planetary police. They collided with a cargo hauler…Mark knocked the driver out and assisted Alessandra from their wrecked vehicle, after which the couple flee into the crowded marketplace but are now trapped…until a strange little being showed up, offering to help…having no choice, Mark and Sandy flee with the creature and fall into a tent. The owner of the tent is an extremely mysterious being, who prevented him from shooting at their pursuers. Last week she created a timer made of two bubbles, one filled with bits of gold.

I’ve skipped a little chat between Mark and Sandy, and some minor stage business as they decide to follow Lajollae. Now we’re in the tent’s second chamber and she’s talking to Mark:

Lajollae focused on him, her lavender face unnaturally long. Even the diamond-shaped pupils of her eyes were lavender. “I’m the servant of Ones who came before, setting me to follow my appointed rounds through their domain, to provide the amusement of Travel. My masters are gone eons ago, to an existence you could never fathom, young race that you are. But I was left carelessly discarded, with no choice but to keep to my route.You aren’t what the Globes were created for, true.” She shook her head, as if this was a great tragedy. “But if the Nelafinari bring you to me, then I can serve –  you’re marked as ones who can Choose.”


28 comments on “Ones Who Can Choose Weekend Writing Warriors

    • I know, Ed, I did think about La Jolla as well, but such is life, only so many syllables in the languages. BUT if the name takes people out of the story and wafts them away to San Diego LOL, I could change it. I appreciate you mentioning it. Love the idea her perfume is lavender too!

  1. Super excerpt! You know what keeps me interested, too, is knowing that you’ve left some stuff out to fit the guidelines. Makes me wonder what you’re going to choose to leave IN next time! Always look forward to seeing more from this story.

  2. I appreciate the comments SO much! Just to scope this, there’s probably one more week of conversation and then the excerpt after that’ll be the first sight of the Globes.

    And then another excerpt or two of what happens when a person Travels (no one is surprised by now that Mark and Sandy do Travel, right? This is wayyy early in the book and Traveling launches the rest of the adventure.

    My daughter’s wedding rehearsal is today so I may be slow getting around to everyone else’s excerpt and commenting but I will make it!

  3. I’m with Caitlin. That carelessly discarded line made me suspicious. And traveling through unfathomable time sounds dangerous. Great setup for adventures to come.

  4. Beautifully written as always, Veronica! 🙂

    Call me a crime-writer, but I’m wondering if Lajollae is as benign as she seems. Being left behind has to be frustrating, let alone being forced to cater to inferior races . . .

  5. Wow, she’s in a tough spot. I wasn’t expecting such a heart wrenching backstory for her. It makes the story so much more multi-level. Great snippet that leaves me wanting more!

  6. I sort of feel sorry for anyone is Lajollae’s position. Being left behind would be terrible. This situation is beautiful, terrible, and emotional. I’m sure Mark and Alessandra are confused.

  7. Intriguing snippet. Love the otherworldly sound to her voice. I’m curious about ‘the ones who can Choose’.

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